My so called life

I will be honest with you all. I am drunk. At this very moment I am drunk-blogging. So, take it or leave it, the things that will follow are heavily influenced by alcohol.
I am totally fucked up. I am a fuck up. Anyone who knows me knows what a totaly loser I am.
I haven't filed for divorce yet, even though I do not love my husband. He is a shit, and I should hate him. Instead I feel this fucked up sense of obligation to the man I spent the last 13 years with. I don't want to hurt anyone, so instead I just drag things on until they implode.
I drink too much. I smoke too much. My daughter hates me. My mom has cancer. I just want to cry.
I wish.....I wish I were different. I wish I were as strong as I thought I was. I am weak. I am a coward. Sometimes, when I am not numb or drunk, I hate myself. I can't sleep, or eat, or do anything productive. What the hell use am I, anyway?
Sorry. I also apologize too much.
Nevermind. I'm just drunk.