This is my little granddaughter, Lexie She came to visit after Thanksgiving. She has to be the most adorable little girl since...well.......Kiri. Speaking of Kiri, Lexie would cry everytime Kiri put her down or passed her to someone else. All she wanted was Kiri. Made my heart melt.

Turkey, explosive vomitting, and yet more turkey

Thanksgiving at my mother's house was fun, dramatic, tense, delicious, and fantastic. I called Becca and got her fabulous banana cream pie recipe, and took them to the feast. They survived the 2 hour drive to the middle of the freakin desert, which was colder than shit by the way. My brother and his family were already there, so I opened a bottle of wine (risking the wrath of my Great Grandmother whom we call Besse which is Norwegian for Granny) and we waited for the rest of the family.
At one point once everyone had arrived, my mother was running around trying to get everything ready, dropped a glass bowl. The bowl broke, glass went everywhere, my mother cut herself, then she said some pretty bad cuss words I'm sure Mormons are not supposed to say, and then she declared that dinner was ruined and we might as well all go home. I couldn't figure out why she was in such a hurry as there was a minimum of 3 other people helping her get this set up (including myself) and it was almost finished, but instead of getting angry at her, I just cleaned up the glass and laughingly told her now I knew what to get her for Christmas. She calmed down and we commenced with the eating.
I ate too much, then drove home. I went to bed, then woke up around midnight with my gut on fire. I ran to the bathroom, and projectile vomited all over the place, continuing to vomit until it was nothing but dry heaves. THEN, I had to clean up the bathroom, go back to bed, then wake up at 6:00 a.m. to go to work.
No one else got sick, so it wasn't bad food. It was just me over eating I'm guessing.
My step-kids and my little step-granddaughter came over on Saturday and I cooked a whole new Thanksgiving meal. It was delicious, and I didn't barf.
The little grandbaby LOVED Kiri, and wouldn't let her go all night long. My step-daughter suggested that Kiri come live in Vegas with her during the summer and babysit, but I don't think I'm entirely comfortable with that. We'll see.
Hope everyone had a great holiday. Love to all
Kodi

That's so EMO

Lately Kiri has been telling me everything is emo. I don't really understand what emo is but it has to do with certain bands like "my chemical romance" and such. So now I use the word all the time and it drives Kiri bananas. That reminds me of that annoying Gwen Stefani song where they sing "is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s!"
Kiri was a punk rocker chick for Halloween, and she went out with her friends to go to the Haunted Hospital. Kendall wasn't feeling well, and went to bed at 7:00p.m. My brother happened to be in town that night, and we got to spend a nice couple of hours eating and talking. It was great to see him again. He is a wonderful brig bruddah. It's so nice to have a teenager in some aspects because I am no longer obliged to trot around the neighborhood with her on Halloween begging for treats. On the other hand, I do have to worry about where she is, what she is doing, and who she is hanging out with. I don't mind her friends, but she does have some boys much older than her that have been sniffing around a bit. I'm not nice to them.
My attitude has been adjusted and I'm enjoying myself at work a lot more now. I just needed a little break from the madness. Things are slowing down, and I'm catching up on some much delayed paperwork.
Did I tell you Kiri has a pet rat? She is very cute and her name is Jellybean. As pets go, rats are pretty easy. Its a cinch to clean up their cage, they don't bite like hamsters, and they are very smart and curious. Jellybean likes to crawl up my arm sleeve and hang out. My husband is completely disgusted by the rat, and won't touch me when I'm holding her.
The pictures I've posted are of my darling girl (who is now a blonde again) and her adorable pet rat jellybean who is apparently attacking Paris in a mousy rage.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll fuck you up

Okay. Time and reality have altered and Jesus is once again on earth in the second coming, or some such, because I'm actually posting a blog. I have no excuses for neglecting my blog other than my life is so predictable, bland, and boring I didn't wish to inflict it on any one else.

For those of you who are KORN fans, you'll recognize the lyrics from my title. The words express everything I am feeling at this moment. It is fucking October 30th, and yet the visitors are still flocking to the Park. I realize I am being irrational, that these people are on a joyous vacation, but I'm burned out with answering the same questions over and over. Winter is my recharge time so that I may greet the masses of people in the Spring with a positive attitude and a polite demeanor. When the 50th person asks me where the bathroom is after they have JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST IT i feel like telling them to open their eyes and use their brains and I just bet they can figure it out. Of course I don't do this, as I am a consummate professional, and I smile and answer their question like I do day after day.
Okay, I'm whining. I have a fabulous job. I love my job. But I need a break. Does that make me a bad person?

Then, to top it off, I come home to a messy house, a husband who wants to know whats for dinner and gets upset when I tell him it is whatever he makes himself, and a daughter who is demanding that I take her here and there and buy her everything under the fucking sun. I want to scream and be selfish and tell them I am on a fucking mommy strike as of right now! Your both able to fend for yourselves, so do it, and leave me alone for 5 minutes god damn it all.

I'm tired of doing everything myself. I'm tired of being the responsible one. I'm just plain fucking tired.

My post sucks. I'm a negative little bitch and I deserve to be flogged.

I'll think of something happy when I blog again.

Yes, I am still alive (barely)

Okay, I know it seems I have dropped off the face of the earth. I am truly sorry to you all that I haven't blogged in forever. I have been reading all of your blogs periodically, trying to keep up on all that is going on in your lives, but I have either been busier than shit or so fucking tired I can't even think about turning on the computer. So, to recap the last month or so.

I went to New Mexico for a week after Memorial Day to teach Leave No Trace to the Philmont Boy Scout Ranch Staff, or whatever they are called. It was a blast, and the kids (I call them kids but they are all in their 20's) were very sweet and enthusiastic. They put me up in luxury accommodations that consisted of a canvas tent and two cots. It was pretty nice considering I expected to sleep in a little one man tent the whole time. However, the very first night I woke up around 3:00 a.m. to the noise of something moving around in my tent. Heart pounding (this is bear country after all) I grabbed the flashlight and turned it on. On top of my backpack sat the LARGEST skunk I have ever seen. I ran out of the tent, thinking "what the fuck do I do now?" and waited for the damn thing to get bored and leave. I had to wait 45 minutes for the sucker to finally decide find another tent to raid.

I also went to Vegas to meet up with an old highschool friend of mine. It was a blast, and we drank to excess. I drove home the next day on 3 hours of sleep and the worst hangover known to man. I thought I was going to hurl several times on the way home, but made it intact. I crashed in bed for about an hour, when my husband comes home and informs me that we have to go up the family cabin and join in the Father's Day BBQ. So, I fucking get up and drag my ass over there to pick at the watermelon and drink gallons of water. Then my Father-in-law tells me that some dogs had attacked my nephew's pet sheep and would I go look at it and see if (and these are his exact words) I can "doctor" it up. I love my father-in-law and would do anything for him, but for some reason my in-laws all think I am a vet. But I say okay, I'll go take a look.
Ken and I drive over to the farm, me holding some antiseptic cream and I see the sheep on the ground. I walk over to it and it is obviously dead. I look at it's wounds and am truly horrified. The dogs had ripped out the sheeps entire back end and part of its stomach. There was no way the sheep could have survived. I am not a miracle worker. Feeling sad and hungover, I drive home, and Ken informs me he wants to make a side trip to look at something. I tell him "no" I want to go home and sleep. So then he yells at me, trying to make me feel guilty about the hangover and how I never help him with anything, and he should have just left me home. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!!!!! I just went to HIS family's BBQ (he never attends any of my family functions) and I inspected one of HIS family's dead sheep. I am still pissed about that.

Thursday I backpacked into Ashdown Creek and met up with some other Park Service people to do more leave no trace. We all hiked out together on Friday, and I tore the shit out of my legs. I should have worn long pants, but it is so damn hot right now. But all in all, it was a fun trip with really good people.

Saturday night was one of my dearest friends weddings. It was so much fun, a day filled with food, drinks, dancing, and karaoke. Kiri and I sang "Teenage Dirtbag" "Down in the River to Pray" and "I'm a believer" together. She teamed up with some friends to sing "I like Big Butts" or whatever it's called by Sir Mixalot. Too stinkin funny. I sang "Wonderboy" with my good friend Jennifer (who was the bride), and "Sweet Home Alabama" by myself. My husband got drunk and decided the karaoke was a competition and kept telling me to sing them "into the fucking ground". He then proceeded to call one of the other guests a dog dick, and so I drove him home. I left his ass there, and went back to party some more with Kiri and my friends. We left at 1:00 a.m. Hanging out and singing with Kiri was one of the best times I have had with her in a long time. She doesn't want to hang with mom much anymore, so I cherished every minute, every song. She looked beautiful up there singing. God, I adore my child.

So that is it folks. I cut out a lot so as to not bore you all to death. But, just know that I am still here, and reading your posts. Summer is crazy busy for me, so my posts will be infrequent. I love you all.

I drove up the road to do a Geology program today and I saw a Gopher snake. Mark it on the calendar girls, the first snake of the season has indeed been seen. Unfortunately, not photographed however. I didn't have my camera, so I used these public domain pictures from nps.gov. HURRAY, HURRAY, HURRAY!!!!!!!!! THE FIRST SNAKE! I'M SO EXCITED! The fabulous slithery dude was in the road so I got out of the truck and coaxed him off the road. He did not like that very much, and cocked his head to the side and huffed and puffed as he slowly moved away into the bushes. But I would seriously be bummed if he had been squished by a car. The following is my ode to the Gopher snake.

Oh, Gopher snake so fat and sassy
If you got smashed it would be messy
So slide off into your shaded abode
and get the fuck off of the road.

Thank you to those whom I know are clapping and whistling, and even perhaps giving me a "whoot whoot".
Sorry I have been a blog lazy ass lately. Busy busy busy in the summer months. Everyone wants to see the Park right now, so I barely have time to breathe let alone blog.
Next blog I will tell you all about the Concert fiasco with Kiri

I slept untill 11:00 p.m. and I don't feel one ounce of guilt

Here are a few pictures from my quickie vacation. Kiri is playing basketball with her cousins. Kiri then took a very flattering picture of me the next morning with a slight hangover. My grandmother in her kitchen cooking my 500th meal of the day, and my brother riding his lawnmower while under the influence, naughty boy.

I had a wonderful time visiting the family, and hanging out with Kiri. One negative side affect of the drinking of alcohol is that Kiri caught me smoking a cigarette, and burst into tears. She told me if I ever smoked again she would not ever speak to me. She calmed down after a while, but it put a damper on my party mood. Sometimes I wonder who is the parent and who is the child in this relationship. Kiri seems to think she is my keeper, or my conscience. It is very confusing.

But we are back, and I spend the entire day (after I woke up at 11:00, that is. Which makes me think of Spinal Tap "But this one goes to eleven") watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have always loved Buffy, but never owned the seasons, so it is fun to watch them all in order with no commercials. My friends have hopped on to the Buffy bandwagon, and I love that they love it. I can now share my eternal love for Buffy (and my lust for Angel and Spike) with them all.

2 weeks and counting

Kodi is finally going on vacation!

I will have a GLORIOUS 8 days off in a row starting April 21st. My God, I can not comprehend the beauty of a whole week off! I can think of nothing else until then. I plan on going to Salt Lake City to visit my Besse (Grandmother) for a couple days, then going to Logan to visit my brig brother (no that isn't a typo, that's what I call him) and his family for a couple days, AND THEN I plan on staying home for 4 days, eating popsicles, riding my horse, maybe hiking here and there, definitely reading some good books and watching lots of movies. Oh, and sleeping in every day!

Kiri wants me to let her go to Vegas with her friend and her friend's mother to see a band called "Avenge Seven Fold" in concert. I don't know if I should let her go or not. I was 15 for my first concert, but my brother watched me like a hawk, and wouldn't even let me flirt even a little. Thank God for Brig Brothers! Do I trust someone to watch Kiri and keep her out of trouble? Do I really want to crush Kiri's dream of attending this concert (it means a lot to her to go). I am torn.

Speaking of concerts, my first concert was the Judas Priest/Raven concert. That was back when I had no clue that Rob Halford was gay. I thought it was a rockin performance, and especially loved when Rob rode out on stage on a big Harley and sang "We don't need Parental guidance Here". Too cool for a 15 year old girl. My next concert was Bon Jovi/Cinderella concert. I thought Jon Bon Jovi was smokin hot as he sailed over the crowd singing "Shot Through the Heart." Oh, yeah baby. Then came the Kiss/Winger/Slaughter concert when I tried to get to the front of the stage when Slaughter was playing and got groped by every sweaty man around and almost passed out from lack of oxygen. Rocker Chick to the Core! After that was the Tesla/Firehouse concert in an outdoor arena. That was okay, but I liked the stifling hot reek of untold amounts of marijuana, deafening roar of music till your ears ring for hours after experience of the indoor arenas better.

Unfortunately, I am too much of tight wad to fork over ungodly amounts of cash for a ticket to headliner concerts now a days. Perhaps someday I'll pry open my wallet and go to another concert, but it would have to be something truly spectacular.

Monday Monday

I drove to my mom and dad's house Saturday and spent the night. All the way there, and all the way back, I sang songs from the Mama's and the Papa's Greatest Hits CD. My all time favorite M's & P's song is "Monday, Monday". I especially love the part where the music picks up in tempo and they start singin' "Every other day, every other day, every other day of the week is FINE yah. But when ever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes, you can find me cryin all of the time" I sang it over and over until I was hoarse, because I am a big dork.

Kiri and Ken got into a hellacious fight this weekend while I was gone. I won't go into detail, but needless to say both Kiri and Ken were saying some pretty mean things to each other. I am at the end of my rope, and have seriously considered leaving Ken. Though I can sort of see his point, as Kiri is very disrespectful of him. But I expect him to act like the adult, instead of reacting like a child. That's all I am going to say at this time, but I feel like crying.

Tomorrow is the day I am going to start exercising on a regular basis again. I have to start hiking for the season soon, and I am woefully out of shape. I have gained 10 lbs. this winter, and it is time to do something about it. I plan on walking around 3 miles/day to start, and then slowly increasing it until I top out at about 5 miles. After that, I'll throw in 5 minutes of running, then 5 minutes of walking. That is how I lost 20 lbs three years ago. It will also get me out of the house before I strangle my husband.

Kodi's Wild Kingdom

I was reading animal attack files on the internet, and started thinking about close calls I have had while hiking, recreating in the wilderness. Animal attacks fascinate me, probably because I spend so much time in remote areas, that I want to be informed so I may avoid the dangers out there as much as I can, which really is only to a certain extent. Dangerous animal encounters can be a combination of hiking and camping practices (not storing food properly, not recognizing danger signs like recent cougar kills, elk rutting season, invading an animals space or territory) as well as plain luck. Most snake bites occur because the idiot was trying to pick up the venomous snake (dur...bite me please, I like intense pain) or kill the snake. Legitimate bites (where the person was not harassing the animal) usually occur because the person was not paying attention to where he/she was placing their hands or their feet. I learned this the hard way.
Usually when I hike in rattlesnake habitat, I am very careful about putting my hands in places I can't see very well. I would never just reach under a log willy nilly without looking first. But one hike, I let my guard down. It had rained buckets all night and as I hit the trail, I knew it was going to be a struggle. I got into the flats of hop valley, and huge ravines had been cut across the trail from water runoff, forcing me to scramble up ridges and wallow through deep mud. I was alone, but I had my Park radio, so wasn't really worried. At one point I sank to my thighs in mud, and couldn't pull my self out. I had to take off my backpack, throw it on stable ground and practically swim out of the mud. In the process, I immersed my radio in mud and ruined it. With really no choice but to soldier on, I continued on my way.
At the 6 mile point, I started down some steep switchbacks into a separate canyon, and was starting to feel pretty tired from scrambling and pulling myself through mud for the last 3 hours. The rain had washed big rocks in the trail, and I would often use a tree or a boulder for balance as I navigated my way down. About halfway down the switchbacks, I put my hand on the lip of a boulder as I slid around a rock, and heard the unmistakable sound of a rattlesnake vibrating his tail. I jumped 20 feet straight in the air on instinct alone (I may be exaggerating slightly). When I calmed down I checked my hand to make sure I hadn't been bitten (I hadn't). Then I got curious and peeked under the lip of this ragged boulder to see the snake. He was still there, rattling like crazy. I had literally put my hand about a half an inch away from the snakes head.
I must say, in defense of the snake, he did not bite me when he easily could have, and it was my fault entirely. If I had been alert, I wouldn't have rested my hand on the lip of the boulder when I couldn't see what was underneath. I have hiked in the desert all my life, and I can truthfully say, if you are paying attention to where you are stepping, sitting, or placing your hands, and if you don't mess with snakes in general, your chances of being bitten is almost 0.
A funny side note, once I got to my campsite I had to throw rocks at a pesky squirrel to keep him from running up my leg and stealing the potato chips I was trying to eat. And, a mountain lion walked through my campsite that night as well, but paid absolutely no attention to me at all. He could have cared less that I was there.
Any one else have any close calls with wildlife?
P.S. I was trying to upload a picture I drew on Paint of me, the boulder, and the snake, but it wouldn't load. Stupid computer

Get up come on get down with the sickness

Yep, I'm sick. Not sick have to stay in bed and do nothing sick. Walking sick, general miserableness. I think it all started with the stuffing yesterday. I was eating stuffing around 2:00 p.m, watching America's Funniest Home Videos, when something amusing happened, I laughed, and inhaled stuffing. I choked and gagged, and some of it went into my nose. Seriously, I was blowing stuffing out of my nose. After that, I had a sore throat which has progressed into headaches and coughing. Sucky stuffing. So a word of advice. Don't eat stuffing while watching funny videos.

I went to Vegas to see some very good friends of mine. Mizzusj and hubby were there. We ate massive amounts of food, and I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. Maybe that is why I'm sick. Who knows. Fun was had by all, AND I won $370.00 on my favorite slot machine Wheel of Fortune. So I came home with more money than I left with, and that was also great.

As I can think of nothing more to say, I though I'd do the tag thing, though I was never tagged. I will move on in the assumption that someone was thinking of tagging me, but forgot how to spell my name. Huh, I think being sick has made me even wittier. Imagine that.

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD
1. Lifeguard
2. Pig farmer
3. Prairie Dog catcher/tagger/releaser (they are endangered in Utah, part of a study).
4. Park Ranger

MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. Serenity
2. Snatch
3. Ghost and the Darkness
4. Bridget Jones's Diary

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. Delta, Utah
2. Ephraim, Utah
3. Salt Lake City, Utah
4. Cedar City, Utah (yeah, I know, I need to expand my horizons)

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE
1. The Jeff Corwin Experience
2. Real World/Road Rules Challenge
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Firefly

FOUR PLACES I'VE VACATIONED
1. Norway
2. Yellowstone
3. Monument Valley
4. Disneyland

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES
1. Ice cream of any kind
2. Shrimp scampi
3. Mizzusj's chicken salad with ramen noodles in it
4. Cheeseburgers

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY
1. Mizzusj
2. Baby Attack
3. Moviemistakes.com
4. Animal Attack Files (yes, morbid, but fascinating)

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. Riding my horse
2. Norway
3. My brother's house
4. Hiking

Rangerin'

Today I am heading over to the local University to do the Career Fair. Yipee! I enjoy talking about my job to those who wish to join the ranks of green and gray.
The above pictures are of Zion after a storm, and me looking very tired after all that ranchin' in the desert.

Lots of driving driving driving

The following pictures are of the local family ranch located in Arizona. I would post more but I have to go get Kiri from Milford, which is an hour away. She was supposed to come home with a friend, but somehow that friend isn't coming back until 1:00 a.m. She can't seem to understand why I am angry at her for making me drive to Milford in the snow to get her. KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is my sweet hubby coming out of the shitter. He wasn't too pleased with me for taking that picture. The other pic is of a storm rolling in over the vermillion cliffs.

This rock was a piece of the set from the original "Planet of the Apes" that was filmed in this area. It looks real until you get up close and can see the holes that have rusted through. Ken's uncle was an extra in the movie and kept this rock as a souvenir.

In the Words of the Immortal Sophie "I'm a Ropin Cowgirl"

Yesterday, Kendall and I went to the family ranch to check on the cows. Ken's father usually handles most of this, but he just had eye surgery, so it was up to us. The ranch is around 3 hours away, located on the Arizona Strip, which basically means "out in the middle of the freakin desert".
They used to run about 300 head of cows out there, but because of drought, there are only about 100 head. We checked the water and made sure all was well in what is really cow heaven.
This is definitely something I could do for a living. I love the desert, and I love the isolation. This area of Arizona is truly gorgeous, and we had a great time. We saw a coyote, 2 hawks (Northern Harriers), and Golden Eagle, and spectacular red cliffs. So, as I am a total slacker in the blog verse lately, I thought I'd share some of the photos.

Trials of Motherhood

Kiri and I were reminiscing about her childhood, and the embarrassing things she has done over the years. She was a precocious child, and as a single mother I spent a good deal of time entertaining her. I was often forced to bring her along to meetings and such because of lack of day care or money, and the result often ended in the hilarious.

Once I took Kiri to McDonald to play in the (admittedly gross) playland. She was very recently potty trained, and had accidents occasionally. At one point during the playtime, she came running over me, and desperately told me she had to go to the bathroom NOW!. We were running up the aisle between the tables towards the restroom, but alas it was already too late. Kiri had pooped her pants and the balls of poop had rolled out of her underwear, down her leg and onto the restaurant floor. I saw the horrified and disgusted looks on people's faces as they were eating. I made a detour to the front counter and very calmly told the young teenaged worker, in these exact words "My daughter just shit on your floor." Then we turned and left the restaurant. We didn't go back for several years.

Another time, I had to see my Genetics teacher in the Science Building, and had no babysitter. I figured it would be a quick meeting, so I took Kiri with me. I was standing outside the teachers office door talking to him, holding Kiri's hand but not really paying attention to what she was doing. She tugged on my hand a couple times, and I turned to look at her just as she yanked the fire alarm lever down. The noise was deafening and Kiri bust into tears. I ran to the office to tell them it was a false alarm. So, Kiri evacuated 2,000 some students from the science blg that day. Later in the week, someone found out it was my daughter that pulled the alarm and he gave me a candy bar to give to Kiri, saying "Your kid saved me from a Physics test".

Around the same time, I had to attend the Nutcracker ballet for a class assignment. Of course, no daycare is open that late at night in this town, so I went with Kiri in tow. After 5 minutes of ballet, I was polietly told to leave as Kiri was having a good time banging people with her bottle. I should have guessed what a rebel she would be when she was kicked out of a FAMILY presentation of the Nutcracker at 2 years old.

I used to work as an aide for the Agriculture department. I had some paperwork that really needed to be finished before the next class, and of course, Kiri was sick. So off to the Science Building we go. I'm cuddling a sick Kiri in my arms, walking down the hall towards my office, when she suddenly barfs a massive amount of puke in my hair and down my back. I turned around and we went home a soggy mess.

She was a little cutie, a tyrant, a genius. I miss my little girl, but I love talking to the teenager I have now.

Teenaged Confessions

There is absolutely nothing going on in my life at the moment. So, as I was reading my diary from when I was 14 (Kiri's present age), I thought I'd transcribe a few entries to show you what a shallow, self-absorbed girl I actually was. I, of course, thought of myself as all-knowing and incredibly sincere at the time. But I wasn't. Here goes.

July 12, 1985

I just got back from Lake Powell. It was a blast! We were at Rainbow Bridge (church group) and there was this really cute guy there. I said Hi to him and he said hi. When I went to the house boat he told me "to have a good time". I smiled and said "you too". Then I was up on the deck of the boat when he drove by, he slowed down and said "would you like to come along with us?" I laughed and said "no thanks". He left and I felt so good.

Feb 14 1987

I just got back from dancing at the game and I'm crying (note to readers, I was a memeber of the school drill team at the time). It's really been a crappy night. The game ended earlier than I thought, so I go to the Seven 11 to call for a ride. I find out Shane has already left to get me, so I go to mainstreet to wave him down. He finally finds me after a lot of running around and we drive home. I walk in and my dad starts saying stuff like "I hate it when you do this" I say "well, I'm sorry. I didn't want to stay out in the cold and wait a half an hour for someone to come get me. It was early, so I went to the sev. to call" He says" we set plans so that you don't have to walk around late at night". I say " I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong". He says" How do you think it makes me feel when you do this? You knew someone was coming when you did it". I said "I can't believe you actually believe I did it on purpose" Him, "That's not the point. You broke plans that you set". Me, "It ended early and I didn't want to get locked out in the cold." Him, " I don't want this to happen again and if it does you can bet there won't be a next time".
I didn't want to cry anymore so I just said "fine" and went to my room. I know he was right about somethings and I worried him, but I honestly didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I can see his point of view but he doesn't understand me, doesn't try to. I even hinted to him about coming and watching me dance. I said "I have to be there at six. It's our last performance of the season." He said "okay" then turns to my mom and says "Well, what should we do tonight then? Go to a movie?"
It hurt me bit I didn't say anything cause I didn't think they'd want to come. My mother has never come to see me dance. I wonder if they care.

As you can see by the two entries, I was a typical self-absorbed child. It was weird to read about my father getting angry over me walking around at dark. I would have totally been pissed at Kiri if she did that. But then again, I would have gone to see her dance.

Stupid post, but it gives me some reminders of how hard it is to be a teen.

$4,000 smile

Kiri got her braces off yesterday. She looks wonderful! I did tell her that I paid $4,000 for her teeth, and that I now own her smile. If she doesn't take care of her teeth, I shall take them back. She didn't really think that was so funny.

Last night, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to get drunk. Raspberry rum and sprite is quite tasty, and I over-imbibed. I don't get drunk very often, but when I do I get this crazy urge to call up everyone I know and chat. I tried to call Jennifer, and my brother, but no one answered. I was all kinda upset, when I looked at the clock and it was almost 11:00 p.m. Luckily, my friends and family love me, and no one called me back to berate me for the drunken late calls. Sorry Shane. Sorry Jenn. I love you guys.

My husband and I got a little frisky last night (he loves when I get drunk because he KNOWS he'll get some), and then after the passion I promptly barfed in the toilet. That has to be the biggest turn on ever, when you make sweet love to your wife and then she runs to the bathroom to vomit. Sorry Ken, I love you babe.

I then went to work today with only a slight headache. I think it was a good thing I threw up or I would be hating life right now. I'm so stupid. Sorry body, I'll try to take better care of you.

I'm off to take Kiri to the dentist once again today. Maybe I'll get out of there without loosing everything I own. Wish me luck.

Na na nana na nana, You Say It's Your Birthday!

On this day, 14 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born. Inspite of all the hardships, pain, aggravation, and tears, I regret not a whit, regret not a second of being her mother. The laughter, joy, and sweet comfort of my only child outweighs everything else. Kiri, you are my soul. You color my life a happy pink, splashed with lots of reds, yellows, and fierce orange. Ultimately, when I am asked to describe myself, my proudest answer is that I am your mother.

In celebration of your 14th birthday, I will share some stories of Kiri. Some are funny, some stories are sad, but I am honored to have shared in it all.

I had a C-section with Kiri, and as I was in the middle of a divorce, my mother was in the surgery room with me. My mother is an intelligent and curious woman, and she kept a running commentary for me as Kir was being forcibly removed from my womb. "Oh!" my mother said, "they are making the first incision now". Good thing I'm not squeamish, though the anesthesia made my body feel very unreal and disconnected from my mind. "Wow!" mother exclaimed, "I can see your uterus." Super, mom, thanks.
I felt a terrible pressure on my stomach and mom yells "Oh my God, the baby is half way out!" Then she begins to laugh, because apparently Kiri was hella pissed and had grabbed onto the nurse's scrub shirt and wouldn't let go. They had to pry Kiri's tiny fingers off the shirt before they could deliver her the rest of the way. 7 lbs 7 1/2 oz, and 23 inches long. She was all arms and legs and huge eyes. Gorgeous.

Once when Kiri was around 3 years old, I picked her up from daycare, and one little girl asked Kiri "Why doesn't your daddy ever pick you up?". Kiri turned, her face beet red, and replied "I don't have a daddy, I HAVE A GRANDPAAAAAA!"

At 4 years old, Kiri loved all the creatures on the Earth, especially bugs. Once while she was playing in the backyard, I sat nearby reading a book. Her favorite game was to walk around lifting all the rocks and looking for bugs underneath. I picked her up and we went to a doctor's appointment. While in the waiting room, Kiri sat at a kiddie table playing. I wasn't really paying attention, but then I noticed something strange. The table seemed to be very dirty. I walked over to Kiri, and she was busy pulling potato bugs out of her coat pocket and putting them on the table. She had filled every pocket with bugs, because in her mind what better use could a pocket serve than to transport bugs around. There must've been at least a hundred bugs crawling on the table and Kiri. The receptionist didn't find it as funny as I did.

A little while later, I was picking Kiri up from daycare, and as usual asked her how her day had gone. She replied "Oh, it was okay. But Victoria was being naughty" I asked what Victoria had done. Kiri says "She was screaming and throwing tampons." Stunned, I asked how in the world Victoria had gotten a hold of tampons. Kiri looks very confused and says, "No, mom, she was throwing tampons." I tell her I don't understand. And very patiently, like she is talking to the biggest idiot ever, Kiri says "You know, she was kicking and rolling on the ground throwing a tampon." I almost wrecked the car, laughing my ass off as I realized she meant a tantrum.

As a single mother with one child, the only person Kiri could fight with was me. And boy, have we got into some helacious fights. When she was little, she would often tell me in a rage that she hated me. This would cut me to the quick. Once I told her "Fine. If you hate me so much, then lets find you a new mother." I then picked up the phone and pretended to call an orphanage. I told the non-existent person to come over right away and get my child because she hates me and wants a new mother. That was the cruelest thing I have ever done in my life. I watched my daughter cry silent tears, thinking I was abandoning her. I told her the truth at that point, and told her how much I loved her. I am not proud of that moment.

Now Kiri is almost an adult. I have cherished all 14 years, and am excited for her future. Kiri, baby, I think you are the brightest, loveliest, sweetest young woman in the world. I see a greatness in you, an intelligence tempered with compassion that makes me think I didn't screw up your whole life. I love you. I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday.

People from Pennsylvania ROCK!

Yesterday, Becca, Katy, Kiri and I all went down to Las Vegas to hang with Patrice and family. We had lunch at a great BBQ place then wandered around the Paris hotel for a bit. Becca, Patrice and I gambled for a bit, and then, unfortunately, the day was over and we had to head back home.

I was a bit nervous to meet Patrice. I wanted to make a good impression, but didn't want to look like I was trying to make a good impression or seem fake in anyway. I couldn't have been more comfortable with Patrice, Sean, Trent, and Bella. They were so nice, and funny, and...Well...cool.

So, here is my list of things I love about Patrice.
1. I love that Patrice looks you in the eye when you are speaking to her
2. I totally dig Patrice's sense of humor.
3. I love that when I burped multiple times, Patrice just laughed. I had some weird stomach issues that day, and was burping up a storm. I have always been rather free with my burps, though I do excuse myself afterwards. Some people are offended by my burpage, but Patrice was not, thank God.
4. It was nice of Patrice not to be angry with me when she lost $10 on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine that I recommended. Sorry Patrice.
5. Patrice has to be one of the easiest people in the world to talk to, and if I lived back East, I could totally see us hanging out on a regular basis.
6. And, wow, she is really pretty too, and looked smokin hot in that black lacy shirt she wore to lunch.

Baby Bella was adorable, and very well behaved. Katy immediately took her under her care, and the little tyke loved her. When Kiri was that age, she would've been screaming and kicking within minutes of arriving at the restaurant. What a sweet little girl Bella is.

Sean was, well, the only word I can think of to describe him is COOL. He seemed right at home amongst the girls, joking and laughing and sharing in the conversation. I was filled with delight when he grinned and gave us all a thumbs up sign, which happens to be my favorite hand signal and I use it quite often. The dude was just too cool. Kiri, Trent, Bella, Sean, and Katy all toured the hotel while the rest of us gambled, and Kiri thought Sean was way cool too. She thought it was neat that he was upset when the staff wouldn't let them on some part of the tower or something because he was accompanied by children. Kiri said he wasn't upset for himself being denied, but that the kids were denied. I think Kiri took to Sean right away.

Trent was surprising on many levels. He was patient (which hello Kiri, take some pointers babe) and never complained when the adults talked forever in the restaurant. He obviously enjoyed his huge plate of BBQ chicken. He was attentive to his little sister, keeping her from toppling off the steps, and he has the most amazing deep beautiful voice.

I was disappointed that we couldn't stay longer. Patrice said they will probably be back next year, so I suggested we make it a tradition, and next time we'll come down on Saturday and spend the night. Hopefully someday we can all travel over to Pennsylvania and meet Nicole as well.

OH! And I forgot to tell everyone what Kiri gave me for Christmas. I am such a dolt. The gift Kiri gave me was a beautiful quilt that she made herself. I seriously got tears in my eyes when I opened it up. I love it! It was the greatest gift I have ever received, and I snuggle up on the couch with it every night.

Note to self: take picture of said quilt and post on blog.

Love to you all.

Time to take down the tinsel, the season tis over

My parents, Reed and Ellen are to the left. Me in my new hat on the right.

Kiri giving you all a big Christmas kiss. And Kiri in her hat and opening presents.


Sorry I have not posted in a while. I have been busier than hell, and also dealing with a little post-holiday blues. Thank God for my friends, that they force me out of my house and lift my mood considerably.

Christmas was smashing! Kiri seemed very happy about the gifts she received. She got some very nice clothes from my parents, as well as a kick ass cowboy hat. Mom and Dad also gave me a cowboy hat, and my mother and father-in-law gave me some spurs. Whooo hoooo, it's time to ride baby!

New Years was fabulous. I had a wonderful time. I sang some karaoke, some good, some bad. I think my rendition of Twisted Sister "We're not gonna take it" was smokin. But, alas, the song from the musical Annie "Tomorrow" was not so great. Becca and I sang some "Dust in the Wind" with B on harmony, and I think we could take that song on the road, it was so fabulous.

Here are some Christmas pics. I, being a complete and total moron, forgot my camera for the New Year's party. Oh, well.