Na na nana na nana, You Say It's Your Birthday!

On this day, 14 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born. Inspite of all the hardships, pain, aggravation, and tears, I regret not a whit, regret not a second of being her mother. The laughter, joy, and sweet comfort of my only child outweighs everything else. Kiri, you are my soul. You color my life a happy pink, splashed with lots of reds, yellows, and fierce orange. Ultimately, when I am asked to describe myself, my proudest answer is that I am your mother.

In celebration of your 14th birthday, I will share some stories of Kiri. Some are funny, some stories are sad, but I am honored to have shared in it all.

I had a C-section with Kiri, and as I was in the middle of a divorce, my mother was in the surgery room with me. My mother is an intelligent and curious woman, and she kept a running commentary for me as Kir was being forcibly removed from my womb. "Oh!" my mother said, "they are making the first incision now". Good thing I'm not squeamish, though the anesthesia made my body feel very unreal and disconnected from my mind. "Wow!" mother exclaimed, "I can see your uterus." Super, mom, thanks.
I felt a terrible pressure on my stomach and mom yells "Oh my God, the baby is half way out!" Then she begins to laugh, because apparently Kiri was hella pissed and had grabbed onto the nurse's scrub shirt and wouldn't let go. They had to pry Kiri's tiny fingers off the shirt before they could deliver her the rest of the way. 7 lbs 7 1/2 oz, and 23 inches long. She was all arms and legs and huge eyes. Gorgeous.

Once when Kiri was around 3 years old, I picked her up from daycare, and one little girl asked Kiri "Why doesn't your daddy ever pick you up?". Kiri turned, her face beet red, and replied "I don't have a daddy, I HAVE A GRANDPAAAAAA!"

At 4 years old, Kiri loved all the creatures on the Earth, especially bugs. Once while she was playing in the backyard, I sat nearby reading a book. Her favorite game was to walk around lifting all the rocks and looking for bugs underneath. I picked her up and we went to a doctor's appointment. While in the waiting room, Kiri sat at a kiddie table playing. I wasn't really paying attention, but then I noticed something strange. The table seemed to be very dirty. I walked over to Kiri, and she was busy pulling potato bugs out of her coat pocket and putting them on the table. She had filled every pocket with bugs, because in her mind what better use could a pocket serve than to transport bugs around. There must've been at least a hundred bugs crawling on the table and Kiri. The receptionist didn't find it as funny as I did.

A little while later, I was picking Kiri up from daycare, and as usual asked her how her day had gone. She replied "Oh, it was okay. But Victoria was being naughty" I asked what Victoria had done. Kiri says "She was screaming and throwing tampons." Stunned, I asked how in the world Victoria had gotten a hold of tampons. Kiri looks very confused and says, "No, mom, she was throwing tampons." I tell her I don't understand. And very patiently, like she is talking to the biggest idiot ever, Kiri says "You know, she was kicking and rolling on the ground throwing a tampon." I almost wrecked the car, laughing my ass off as I realized she meant a tantrum.

As a single mother with one child, the only person Kiri could fight with was me. And boy, have we got into some helacious fights. When she was little, she would often tell me in a rage that she hated me. This would cut me to the quick. Once I told her "Fine. If you hate me so much, then lets find you a new mother." I then picked up the phone and pretended to call an orphanage. I told the non-existent person to come over right away and get my child because she hates me and wants a new mother. That was the cruelest thing I have ever done in my life. I watched my daughter cry silent tears, thinking I was abandoning her. I told her the truth at that point, and told her how much I loved her. I am not proud of that moment.

Now Kiri is almost an adult. I have cherished all 14 years, and am excited for her future. Kiri, baby, I think you are the brightest, loveliest, sweetest young woman in the world. I see a greatness in you, an intelligence tempered with compassion that makes me think I didn't screw up your whole life. I love you. I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday.