Tales of the 34 year old grandmother

Yes, I'm a grandmother. I should clarify. I'm a step-grandmother, but my step-daughters don't see the distinction, and tell me I am a grandma. Not that I mind, I don't. The kids are wonderful. David is 1, and Alexis was just born last week, the cute little tyke. It does feel weird being called grandma, but I have always thought the world of my step-kids, and now I get to spoil their children for many years to come.

Alexis was born on the 24th. We rushed down to Vegas around 8:00 that night (and let me tell you, finding that hospital was not easy). She was born by C-section at 11:30. We were all a little tense because the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and she wasn't breathing when they first delivered her. But they got her breathing, and the doc said she was going to be just fine. The mother is doing well too.

I just got back from my parents house, where I exchanged my fathers horse (which I had borrowed) for my horse (the one in the pictures that I got for my birthday). Everything went swell until I got home and introduced my horse, Mimi, to Kiri's horse, Musty. A horse fight ensued, with me holding on for dear life, trying to separate the damn horses and not get trampled, kicked, or bit in the process. Having been trampled, bit and kicked in the past, I was not keen to repeat the experience. So, now they are in separate corrals, starring each other down to see who will blink first. Christ, why can't anything ever be easy.

I must say, I am quite excited to start riding my new horse.

Funny Visitor Question
Visitor: Which hat should I wear on my hike?
Ranger Kodi: eh?
Visitor: Should I wear the ball cap, which I usually wear in forested areas, or should I wear the visor, which I usually wear in hotter weather?
Ranger Kodi: Either one will be fine. (while secretly thinking, Dude! It's a hat, for Christ's sakes)

Quick note: We had a search and rescue where this silly man was rappelling into a very difficult canyon, and a big boulder fell on his foot. Unfortunately, the man was wearing sandals, and had to have 3 toes amputated, though the boulder did most of the amputation before the doc did the rest. The multitudes of unprepared, ignorant hikers lacking any common sense whatsoever never cease to amaze me.

The spell check wanted me to replace Christ with crust. funny

For you, from me

Okay, Katy tagged me for the seven things thing. So, here goes......

7 things I plan to do before I die
1. Go to the Mediterranean
2. Read Charles Dickens (keep meaning to, haven't yet)
3. See my Daughter's college graduation
4. Get my Master's degree
5. Milk a venomous snake
6. Hike the Appalachian trail (or some of it, anyway)
7. Go whale watching

7 things I can do
1. Ride a horse
2. Hike 14 miles in a single day
3. Identify snakes in the wild
4. Rappel down a cliff
5. Read a map
6. Party like a rock star
7. Castrate a pig

7 things I cannot do
1. Stop obsessing about my weight
2. Rock climb
3. Rope a calf
4. Quit saying Fuck all the time
5. Cook well
6. Play soccer
7. Push ups

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Nice body
2. Intelligence
3. Self confidence
4. Sense of humor
5. Good kisser
6. Outdoorsy type
7. Athletic

7 things I say most often
1. I mean...
2. Dude
3. Whatever
5. You bet
6. The fee is $10 dollars
7. Fuck, Goddamn, Jesus Christ (had to put all three because it's a tie)

7 celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt
2. Clive Owen
3. David Boreanz
4. Viggo Mortensen
5. Hugh Jackman
6. Eric Bana
7. Jason Stratham (Handsome Rob in the movie "The Italian Job". If Katy's Handsome Rob is as handsome, I'm moving in on the action)

People I want to do this
1. As all the people
2. I know who blog
3. have been tagged
4. already, I
5. don't think
6. I can add
7. anymore

I loved reading everyone elses 7 things. I usually pretend I didn't get tagged, but this was fun.

Quick note: A boy scout came into the Visitor Center the other day, and out of the blue looked at me and said " I like your pigtails" Totally made my day.

sooooo slleeepppyyy

I'm so tired. Long day at work. I'm so looking forward to the weekend. I'm just gonna sleep and sleep. Thank god school has started, now I can sleep in on Mondays with no one the wiser.

Kiri seemed to enjoy her first couple days of school. She has been getting up pretty early to do her hair and makeup, which is okay until I try to get into the bathroom to brush my teeth or pee, or brush my teeth while peeing (hahahaha). I forgot what a bathroom hog she is. We need a bigger house with 2 bathrooms in it, damn it! The thing is, I don't want to CLEAN a bigger house. I tend to just find a drawer or closet and stuff things in them, and I know a bigger house would not cure me of that. I laughed at Becca's blog about things piled on the bookshelf when only books should reside there. Currently in (and on) my bookshelf I have....
1. books (but not neatly tucked as they should be but stuffed every which way because I have too many books and not enough room).
2. A teddy bear I brought back from Virginia
3. Photo albums
4. An eagle sculpture collecting mounds of dust
5. A toy car my dad gave me ages ago
6. Earrings (Kiri's)
7. nail file
8. School papers
9. bobby pins and elastic bands
10. bic lighter
11. Postcards I filled out while in Virginia and never sent off

So, I'm a bit of a slob. Not hopelessly so, but I am somewhat of a clutter person. About twice a year I get the "I'm going to get organized" bug and clean furiously, finding the right place for all my things, and throwing away or giving away all those things I don't want or need anymore. It lasts about a week, then stuff starts getting piled up again.

My husband on the other hand is a clean freak. He is constantly vacuuming, picking up, and throwing things away. I get very angry sometimes when he throws my stuff away, but then I say to myself "Kodi, if you would've PUT it where it belonged instead of piling it on the kitchen table, he wouldn't have thrown it away." It keeps my clutter in check. He drives me crazy with the throwing away of things, but I'm sure I drive him crazy with the clutter. We even each other out.

Unfortunately, Kiri takes after her mother times 10, and her room is a disaster. I can't even look at it. It even drives me crazy, and I'm pretty lax on the cleaning stuff. But, my God, at least my shit is stuffed away out of sight. You can't even walk into her room without tripping, or slicing your foot open on some object or another. I gave up even trying to keep her room clean. Now, when she wants money, I make her clean her room. Bribery is the only way to win. How sad.

I was embarrassed when Becca and Sophie came to visit, because Soph wanted to see Kiri's fish and they saw how messy (and messy really doesn't even come close to describing it) Kiri's room is. But I know Becca and Soph love me and Kiri anyway, so whatever. I had a lovely visit with them, and felt silly that I forgot to offer Becca a glass of wine. She always offers me a drink when I visit her, and I totally failed in the hostess department. Sorry, Becca. Love ya girl.

Count down to first day of school and my relative freedom

I say relative freedom because Kiri will still demand to be driven to BFE every day after school and on the weekends. But I will get 8 hours of no child and no husband every Monday, which will be fabulous.

Kiri and I went to back to school night on Thursday, and she is in for a tough year. She is taking some hard classes and someone needs to light a fire under her ass to keep her on top of things. I guess the fire lighter will have to be me, as Kendall is A. Working all the time and B. Too laid back and easy going to argue with Kiri to do her homework.

We walked into her science class to meet her teacher, and holy shit. Both of us couldn't quit staring, the man was gorgeous. I wish I would've had a good looking science teacher. Kiri turned and whispered to me "Is THAT my teacher?" and I nodded dumbly, as the man was just too cute for words.

Kendall and I went camping on Saturday. It was lovely. Ken made hotdogs and hamburgers on his new space aged grill that cost way too much while I drank vodka. We rode the horses until dark, then cuddled up in the tent right when it started raining. Can I just say how much I love my husband. I think most of the time all I think about or talk about is the negative bullshit with my husband. But truly he is a wonderful man.

I took some pics of us at the mountain, soon as I develop them, I'll post them (prolly next year, ha)

Kiri came back from a friends house with a dog. Ken put his foot down and said absolutely NO. Kiri was devastated, and I felt bad for her. Sometimes it is a good thing that Ken is so stubborn, because I probably would have caved and let her keep it. I was pissed at the lady who gave Kiri the dog without checking with her parents first. So today the dog goes back to it's original owner, and Kiri will cry her eyes out, and I'll feel like shit. God, who does that? Just gives a kid a dog without informing the parents of the decision? Jesus, I hate when she cries from real hurt and sorrow. Kiri will cry over being angry or over petty things sometimes, and that doesn't affect me much, but when she cries over being truly hurt in some way, I feel miserable too. When her tree frog died she cried for 2 days and I really felt bad. And I am always the one to dispose of the dead pets, which sucks. The tree frog had escaped and was a dead frog glued to the carpet of her bedroom, which I had to pry off the carpet as he fell to dead frog pieces. Gross. I flush the fish, I bury the hermit crabs and pet rats. Why do I give in so often and let her have these silly pets that never last more than a couple of years? I love to be miserable I guess. But I tried to tell her when she couldn't keep the dog that she has plenty of pets. She has a dog (lightning) and 2 fish (Mr. Crab, and Bullwinkle) and a horse (Musty, I know silly name). She really doesn't take care of the dog or horse, so I don't think another dog is a good idea. Whatever, she'll get over it soon.

I'm watching Sophie right now and she wants me to pretend to be a puppy, so I better go. She is so fun and smart. I love playing games with the sweet girl.

Dentists suck

I'm off to the dentist. Not for me, but for Kiri. She has braces. $4,000.00 worth of braces. I had to get a stinking loan to pay for said braces. Every month these braces are tightened, and Kiri gets some weird new color of holders on her braces. One month it is purple, the next green. Whatever. I don't care what damn color they are, I don't see how they could possibly be worth $4,000. What a joke. And her dentist is too damn nice. He talks to me like I am a child, and I want to grab him by his nards and let him know in no uncertain terms that I am not stupid. I went to college for Christ sakes, I know where the fucking mandible is located. So take my money, and shut the hell up and fix her damn teeth.

I am thinking how fun it would be to go to the dentist drunk. I mean no inhibitions, say what you think, find yourself hilarious drunk. Totally tanked. I think the dismay and confusion on his face as I first tell him he's an overpriced hack, flirt with him outrageously, then barf in his spit sink would be priceless. Too bad I have to drive to the dentist, or the drunk thing might be a fun experiment.

Work was interesting today. It rained buckets last night and the rocks came tumbling down. We closed the scenic drive to move the gigantic boulders, and I had to deal with all the disappointed visitors who wished to visit. Not the much fun. One lady did bring in her own pink toilet seat cover with yellow daisies on it. Got a good chuckle over that. As I am not a germaphobe, I love to watch those people who are. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with being concerned about germs, but it certainly makes life more complicated, like, for instance carting your own toilet seat cover around where ever you go.

Gotta go see the dentist and smile while he asks me if I want to pick a toy from the magic treasure chest.

Push the button

As many of you know, my friends and I are Karaoke junkies. Once Paul brought his extreme karaoke machine to a party at Becca's house. My wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous friend Jennifer and I commenced to hog the microphone and sing multiple songs in a row, laughing our asses off the whole time. We had a few drinks, and were feeling freaky. At one point, Paul came into the room to try and talk some sense into us about SHARING the karaoke time. Jennifer and I listened quietly, and nodded our heads appropriately. When Jen figured Paul was finished, she pointed at the karaoke machine which was paused on our next terrific number, and said simply "push the button." Now this may not sound hilarious to you, but I found it absolutely hysterical. I laughed long and hard, and often tease Jen by out of the blue telling her to "push the button."

It so happens when I was in Virginia, I was in an elevator with total strangers. At the time I was feeling rather numb from lack of sleep and intense humidity. The elevator doors closed and the stranger lady looks at her husband and says "push the button". At that moment I suddenly missed my friends so badly, I actually felt like I might cry. I didn't, but the possibility of tears was very real.

The feeling passed, and I had a wonderful experience in Virginia, but I just remember how melancholy I felt just by hearing that silly sentence.

Being rather sick at the moment (the snot factory is still in full production), I feel somewhat on the irritable side. So, I will take a clue from Becca's blog, and make a list of those things that really drive me crazy.

Things that drive me crazy
1. Redundancy (hahaha, damn I'm funny)
2. Snoring husbands
3. Snoring dogs under my bed
4. Doing all the dishes, then finding 10 empty cups and bowls in Kiri's room
5. People who drive across the country without doing any research what so ever on the places they wish to visit.
6. Rude flight attendants
7. squeeking Styrofoam cups or plates
8. Any kind of clicking, snapping, or beeping noises
9. People touching my face. I know that's sad, but for some reason when someone touches my face, it pisses me off
10. People invading my personal space. My friends have worked hard to cure me of this, and I can finally hug my friends freely, but there was a time when that made me very uncomfortable. Mostly now it only bothers me when people I don't know very well invade my personal space. I still can not stand to get a massage. Too much touching and closeness by total strangers.
11. Bad tippers. I've been a waitress, I know how hard it is, and even the best waitress has a bad day. And many times, bad service can be the fault of the cook, not the server. So, no matter what I always tip well.
12. Someone correcting my grammar. I actually have a great vocabulary, and very good grammar, but sometimes when I am excited or stressed, my grammar reverts to small town Utah talk. It also seems to be that the person who is correcting the grammar wishes to prove how much smarter they are than you, and I really hate smug grammar correctors.
13. When someone puts in a music CD, and doesn't listen to it completely or in order. I don't know why this bothers me, but it is along the same lines that once I start a book, I finish it, and I don't skip ahead. I must listen to a CD all the way through without skipping songs, or it bothers me.

So, now you all think I am a cranky bitch. Here are a few things that make me happy, just to even things out a little.

1. Buying t-shirts with cute sayings on them
2. Loosing 5 pounds
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Lusting after unattainable movie stars.
5. Boxes of wine
6. People who ask me questions about snakes, and are really interested in what I have to say
7. Seeing a black rat snake in Virginia
8. All of my fabulous friends, and their wonderful daughters.
9. Reading all of your blogs, and laughing out loud. You are all a witty bunch.
10. Riding my horse
11. Calling my brother when I'm drunk, and making him laugh.
12. Reading Jane Austen over and over
13. Brushing my daughters hair, though she doesn't let me do it very often any more.

I'm back, from outer space...er, Virginia

HELLO!!!!!! I'm back. God, it is good to be home. What a trip. I can hardly think where to begin. Well, I guess I'll begin at the beginning.

The Boy Scout Jamboree, by kosihoho

The plane ride over to Virginia was uneventful. I did see the Washington monument from the plane as we were landing, but never had the time to visit much. I was picked up at the airport by my old friend Bruce, with whom I used to work with. I was wandering around with my stupid Park service ball cap on, hoping someone would see it and think "oh, there is the girl I'm supposed to pick up at the airport." Someone very smart was in charge, and sent the one other jamboree participant who would recognize me. Bruce is a great guy, and it was a lot of fun to work with him again.

As it turned out, the smart someone in charge was a funny lady named Jodi. What is really mindblowing is that she and I look a lot alike. Eerily alike. I'm Kodi, she's Jodi. Both Park Service employees, both Leave no Trace master educators. We're both short with cute little pixie noses, and blue eyes. Same build, same crazy hair (mine is colored blond however), same interests, like the same books and movies. People kept asking us if we were sisters, or would think we were the same person, and be all confused when I didn't know what the hell they were talking about because they had discussed it with Jodi. I finally met my twin in the world. It was very cool, and we became good friends immediately.

I didn't sleep well the first night due to nerves, and got up at 6:00 a.m. the next day (4:00 a.m. my time) a little groggy. We drove to the fort where the jamboree was held and got all of our stuff together and waited for the scouts to arrive. And boy did they arrive. Droves of boy scouts, all eager and cute in their uniforms. I have to say, my opinion of boy scouts has changed a little, after meeting so many eager, happy, well mannered scouts over the week.

When I got back to the hotel the first day of the Jamboree, I turned on the news and saw the story on the 4 scout leaders killed there. It was heartbreaking, and you could see a change in the scouts the next day. They were quieter, sadder, and somewhat somber. My heart really goes out to those poor men who were killed, and the poor boys who watched their fathers or leaders die right in front of them.

During my discussions with the boy scouts, I never really had much of a break throughout the day. When I had to pee, I would signal to someone to come take over my station, then I would have to walk a half a mile to the bathroom. So that's a mile roundtrip to pee, and no time for lunch. I would get back to the hotel ravenous and tired, so then would commence to plowing through a huge dinner and then collapsing on the bed.

Wednesday was my birthday, and we worked until 3:00 p.m. that day. They cut the exhibits short because the President was supposed to be coming. They visitors and boy scouts had to arrive at the open grassy field they called "the arena" 3 hours early and sit in the blazing sun forever, because the prez. wouldn't even leave Washington until everyone was seated. It takes a while to get 75,000 people through security and seated. The consequences of this stupid move on the organizers part was that 300 people dropped from heat exhaustion and had to be airlifted out of the base. For crying out loud, people! Use your goddamned brains for once. It was like 98 degrees and 70% humidity, so the heat index was somewhere around 115 degrees. What could they have possibly been thinking? I was very glad I decided to not go see the president, because I was not used to the humidity and already thought I would melt earlier in the day. A bunch of brainless assholes. And the President didn't even show up, he canceled.

For my birthday, Jodi took me to the movie that night. We saw The Island, with Ewan Mcgreggor. Wish I was on an island with Ewan Mcgreggor.

After an exhausting yet, I feel, a very fulfilling week, I'm finally home. I met Kiri at the Salt Lake airport with my sister in law, and the two of us flew home on a little tiny plane. I feel pretty good this morning, other than I now have a raging head cold and have become, apparently, a snot producing factory. I am now going to call my friend Becca and give her a birthday gift I found in Virginia, and find out why the hell she isn't blogging anymore.

Thank you all for worrying about me while I was gone. I am fine, and happy to be home. I will definitely go again in 2010 for the next jamboree, if they invite me.