Some more ancient history

In answer to some of the questions concerning why I can't talk about Endangered Species, let me quickly explain. In Utah, there are several animals listed as endangered, including the Utah Prairie Dog and the Spotted Owl. Both of these animals are endangered because of loss of habitat. To protect habitat for these animals, certain restrictions have been enforced that anger the local population. If, by chance, you have Prairie Dogs on private property, the landowner cannot develop his land at all because of the animal's presence. So, that really pisses people off. The locals here do not care at all for the local wildlife population unless it can be hunted. So I hope that helps with your questions.

Some of you expressed interest in the tales of my first marriage. I'll go into some of it now.

I met Eric when I was 19 in one of my college drama classes. He was gorgeous, 6'4", and muscular. I was surprised and deeply flattered that he showed interest in little ole' me. It was a whirlwind romance, and he was kind and generous. I fell deeply in love with him, and we were engaged 2 months after we met, much to my parents chagrin. They tried to talk me out of marrying him, but I was sure he was the one for me. There were warning signs for sure, like his fascination with knives and guns, and some of the stories he told me about his life struck everyone as fairytales, but I ignored them.

We were married 1 month after the engagement, and then my eyes were truly opened. For one thing, he couldn't seem to hold a job down for more than a couple weeks, yet had plenty of money. He was insanely jealous, and I slowly distanced myself from all my friends and family because he would fly into a rage if I showed affection to anyone, including my father. We fought constantly, and this soon escalated into physical violence. I would often go to work, waitressing, with bruises and my co-workers would ask me what happened and I would tell them with a laugh that I fell off my horse, or I was wrestling with my husband and it was an accident.

Eric would secretly follow me everywhere, and one time he was watching me at work without my knowledge. When I got home, he was livid, screaming at me that I was flirting with the customers, and bending low over the tables to pour coffee so that the men could look at my cleavage. This fight was the worst ever. We yelled and screamed for hours, at one point I tried to leave and he grabbed me on the sidewalk outside our home and tried to drag me back into the house. Some kind stranger stopped in her car, and told me to get in, that she would take me wherever I needed to go to get away from Eric. Eric verbally abused the woman, then threatened to kill her if she didn't leave. She did leave, and to this day I wish I knew who she was so I could thank her for her kindness. The fight continued in the house. Eric was much bigger than I. At the time, I was 5'3" and around 100 pounds. The stress of the marriage had caused me to loose 20 pounds in about 2 months. He would throw me around like a rag doll. I finally told him I was going to bed, and I couldn't fight anymore. I had to go to work in a few hours. I tried to ignore him as he continued to tell me I was a slut and a fucking whore. At one point he pulled out his hunting knife, and I truly thought he was going to kill me.

Because I was stupid, I stayed with him, suffering more fights and abuse for another month. Then he got arrested for impersonating an officer, and burglary. Now I understood where the money was coming from. He was a thief.

My life was pure misery, and I had no one to go to. I was too embarrassed to go to my family, and I had cut off all my ties with my friends. Then I found out I was pregnant. When I told Eric I was pregnant, he told me it couldn't be his child because he knew he was unable to have children (a total lie). He accused me once again of having an affair. When the fight became violent, I was afraid of losing the baby. That is what gave me the courage to leave for good. I grabbed as much stuff as I could and ran for the car. He punched the window of the car in and tried to pull me out, but I was able to start the car, and leave. I filed for divorce the next week. When I say that my daughter saved my life, I really believe it is true. If I hadn't of gotten pregnant with Kiri, I would have stayed with that fucking bastard, and he would have eventually killed me.

I moved in with my parents, who were so relieved that I was back and away from Eric. Within a couple months of leaving Eric, I went back to college and finished my Associates Degree at home. Then I moved into my own apartment, and finished up my Bachelors at Southern Utah University.

Eric tried to intimidate me to come back to him, but none of that worked anymore. All I cared about was Kiri, and her well being. Eventually, Eric just disappeared. I do know he was in prison for a couple years for burglary. I had his parental rights terminated, and that was that.

The hardest thing for me was that I had always thought of myself as a strong woman, someone who wouldn't take shit from anyone. But Eric showed me that I was weak and afraid. It was a huge blow to my self confidence and self image, and I suffered from depression for a long time after the divorce. Now, I think I am somewhat cold, and I don't open up to people very well. Becca and my friends here are the first friends I've allowed myself in a long time. The frienships I have now have helped me to be less negative and bitter. Kendall is the exact opposite of Eric, soft spoken, laid back, quiet. I think that is why I married him.

Anyway, that is my sad story. I am no longer ashamed of my first marriage. It taught me to be independent, and that I can achieve my goals without any help from anyone.