When my daughter takes a bath, I find it amazing that she doesn't wash her makeup off. I mean, seriously, how many coats of mascara can you keep putting on your lashes before they fall out? I guess I shouldn't complain, she used to not bathe at all. I had to physically force her into the tub, clear up until she was 11. It's an improvement. However, I wonder, if she doesn't wash her face when she showers, what else isn't she washing? I've seen her underwear. I wash them all the time. Her nether regions definitely NEED a good scrub on a regular basis. But she won't let me see her naked anymore, and would be horrified if I tried to suggest she wash "down there". I guess as long as I can't smell her, then I won't worry about it. She does wear too much perfume too. Crickey.
Work went fairly well today. I think I am finally pulling out of my slump. I got everything done that I needed to, with no stress or problems. Things will be crazy this memorial day weekend. Isn't it funny that on a holiday that we are supposed to remember those close to us who have passed on, we all decide to invade the forests and parks instead? I guess my grandpa would have rather we have fun as a family than mope around his grave. Unfortunately, I have to work on the big summer holidays, so I get to deal with the massive amounts of people visiting the Park. Many of whom are lost, or think they can get from one end of the state to the other in 2 hours. I often get a look of shock and dismay when I tell them the nearest restaurant heading south is 25 miles away. What, no McDonald on every corner? This is America, damn it! But, I love my job, so again, I really shouldn't complain.
Funny Visitor Quote of the Day
"So, this is a Scenic Drive? Is it scenic?"
Love to you all.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
My Lazy Ass
It's my day off. So was yesterday. I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I haven't done any of the goals I set for myself for the weekend. I got WAY too drunk on Saturday night, and burst into tears while playing a game with my friends. I feel stupid, and slightly depressed about it all. I don't cry, hardly ever. Sometimes I'll cry during a really good movie, but it is pretty rare. I don't know what happened. We were all having a great time, and I just started crying. I think I'm losing it.
So, Sunday I had a pretty good headache and just moped around the house. Took a nap, did the dishes and some grocery shopping, but that was it. I wanted to plant flowers and clean my house. Not just a surface clean but a good scrubbing (it needs it). But I didn't do it. Then today I just watched movies and downloaded songs on my mp3 player. Right now I'm trying to find the motivation to go for a good long walk. That will probably make me feel better. But I just feel kinda blue.
Kiri has only 3 more days left of school. I feel depressed about that too. It's nice having Monday's all to myself for most of the day. No husband, no kid, no work. I love it. Now I will be sharing Mondays with Kiri. I mean, I love my kid, but I deserve one day a week to myself without feeling guilty. Now I sound petulant and self absorbed.
Okay, I'm going to force myself to go for a walk (God, it's hot out there), then I will have a drink and be lazy for the rest of the day. Maybe next weekend will be more productive.
So, Sunday I had a pretty good headache and just moped around the house. Took a nap, did the dishes and some grocery shopping, but that was it. I wanted to plant flowers and clean my house. Not just a surface clean but a good scrubbing (it needs it). But I didn't do it. Then today I just watched movies and downloaded songs on my mp3 player. Right now I'm trying to find the motivation to go for a good long walk. That will probably make me feel better. But I just feel kinda blue.
Kiri has only 3 more days left of school. I feel depressed about that too. It's nice having Monday's all to myself for most of the day. No husband, no kid, no work. I love it. Now I will be sharing Mondays with Kiri. I mean, I love my kid, but I deserve one day a week to myself without feeling guilty. Now I sound petulant and self absorbed.
Okay, I'm going to force myself to go for a walk (God, it's hot out there), then I will have a drink and be lazy for the rest of the day. Maybe next weekend will be more productive.
Friday, May 20, 2005
How does she learn to lie so well?
So this morning Kiri informed that it was "field day" at school, and therefore she didn't need to bother attending. I quickly informed her that she was indeed attending school today insipid of it being field day. She then told me, looking straight into my eyes, that the principal of the school had announced over the intercom yesterday that those students who wished to stay home on Friday (field day) may do so. Did she really think I would buy that? Honestly, for about 2 seconds I almost did. But then I quickly came to my senses and told her if she didn't get up for school, I would call the principal and ask him if he had announced a "come if you feel like it" day. And if I found she had lied to me, she would be grounded for a month. That did the trick, she sullenly got up and got ready for school.
I would have never dared lie so blatantly to my mother when I was her age. I also really liked field days, so I wanted to go to school.
Middle school is soooooo hard. I hated those weird gawky years in Middle school. But I still attended, and maybe only cut class twice in 3 years. Both times I felt guilty and anxious about the school work I would need to make up, because I felt responsible to make up my work and get good grades. It was important to me.
Somehow Kiri managed to bring her social studies grade up from a D to a B in 3 weeks. I was happy she did this, but she doesn't realize that in High School, there isn't a hurry up and get all your missing homework in at the last minute option. God, I'm worried about her going to High School in two years. I hope she matures some before then, and takes school seriously. She wants a cool car, and nice clothes, and a big house when she grows up, but she won't get that working at the Comfort Inn as a maid (which she has told me she plans to do next year, as this hotel will hire girls 14 years old to clean rooms. I think I'll let her do it, and then she'll realize how hard that kind of work is). What happened to the dreams of being a wildlife photography?
I always knew I was going to college. There was really no option. That is what I planned, and that is what I did. Granted, I got married, got pregnant and divorced all in six months, and that changed the plan drastically. But even as a single mom, I still took classes and slowly got my degree.
I guess I can't live through her and push my dreams and hopes on her shoulders, but I really wish I could give her a swift kick in the ass and a large dose of reality. I want her to feel successful in her life, whether she goes to college or not. But I'd prefer she go to college.
Off subject. I thought I'd put in the "funny visitor quote of the day" at the end of my blogs. I see tons of people every day visiting the Park, and I love the bizarre questions I get pretty much every day. So here goes.
"Do ravens eat peanuts or lizards?"
Ranger Kodi's answer "Er, both"
I would have never dared lie so blatantly to my mother when I was her age. I also really liked field days, so I wanted to go to school.
Middle school is soooooo hard. I hated those weird gawky years in Middle school. But I still attended, and maybe only cut class twice in 3 years. Both times I felt guilty and anxious about the school work I would need to make up, because I felt responsible to make up my work and get good grades. It was important to me.
Somehow Kiri managed to bring her social studies grade up from a D to a B in 3 weeks. I was happy she did this, but she doesn't realize that in High School, there isn't a hurry up and get all your missing homework in at the last minute option. God, I'm worried about her going to High School in two years. I hope she matures some before then, and takes school seriously. She wants a cool car, and nice clothes, and a big house when she grows up, but she won't get that working at the Comfort Inn as a maid (which she has told me she plans to do next year, as this hotel will hire girls 14 years old to clean rooms. I think I'll let her do it, and then she'll realize how hard that kind of work is). What happened to the dreams of being a wildlife photography?
I always knew I was going to college. There was really no option. That is what I planned, and that is what I did. Granted, I got married, got pregnant and divorced all in six months, and that changed the plan drastically. But even as a single mom, I still took classes and slowly got my degree.
I guess I can't live through her and push my dreams and hopes on her shoulders, but I really wish I could give her a swift kick in the ass and a large dose of reality. I want her to feel successful in her life, whether she goes to college or not. But I'd prefer she go to college.
Off subject. I thought I'd put in the "funny visitor quote of the day" at the end of my blogs. I see tons of people every day visiting the Park, and I love the bizarre questions I get pretty much every day. So here goes.
"Do ravens eat peanuts or lizards?"
Ranger Kodi's answer "Er, both"
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
The Big Question
My daughter asked me the Big Question. It wasn't the one you're probably thinking of, we had the "sex talk" a long time ago. The physics and anatomy of sex are not a mystery to Kiri anymore. Besides, I just signed a waiver for her Health class to teach about Sexually transmitted diseases. So, she's pretty savvy on the idea of it all.
No, the big question was "Who did you have sex with the first time mom, and how old were you?" I've always been very straight forward and honest with Kiri about sex since she started being curious enough about it to ask me questions. We've discussed many things, including periods, erections, date rape, and the physical pain of losing your virginity. But, it was very hard to be honest about this question. Do I tell her I was 19 and was a guy I had just met? Or do I lie and tell her I lost my virginity to her real father? God, it was so hard to talk about. It was weird, cuz we've always been comfortable talking about lots of things most mothers would shy away from. I told her the truth, but also said I hoped she made better decisions in her life than I had. I got married then pregnant with her shortly after. I never once regretted having her. In many ways I feel like she saved my life. If I hadn't gotten pregnant with her, I would not have had the courage to leave my first husband and go back to college. I would've stayed with the lying bastard for who knows how long and suffered the emotional trauma day after day, year after year. My life is so much better because I had her.
But if she is asking me this, does it mean she's thinking about having sex? Did I subtly encourage her to have sex? I hope our honesty and open conversations will discourage her from sex for a long time.
I will post pictures of Kiri in her formal dress soon. I only have a point and shoot, so I need to scan and download. I want to buy a digital camera right now! In fact, I think I will.
No, the big question was "Who did you have sex with the first time mom, and how old were you?" I've always been very straight forward and honest with Kiri about sex since she started being curious enough about it to ask me questions. We've discussed many things, including periods, erections, date rape, and the physical pain of losing your virginity. But, it was very hard to be honest about this question. Do I tell her I was 19 and was a guy I had just met? Or do I lie and tell her I lost my virginity to her real father? God, it was so hard to talk about. It was weird, cuz we've always been comfortable talking about lots of things most mothers would shy away from. I told her the truth, but also said I hoped she made better decisions in her life than I had. I got married then pregnant with her shortly after. I never once regretted having her. In many ways I feel like she saved my life. If I hadn't gotten pregnant with her, I would not have had the courage to leave my first husband and go back to college. I would've stayed with the lying bastard for who knows how long and suffered the emotional trauma day after day, year after year. My life is so much better because I had her.
But if she is asking me this, does it mean she's thinking about having sex? Did I subtly encourage her to have sex? I hope our honesty and open conversations will discourage her from sex for a long time.
I will post pictures of Kiri in her formal dress soon. I only have a point and shoot, so I need to scan and download. I want to buy a digital camera right now! In fact, I think I will.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I hate when I act like a space cadet
I am not stupid. At least I hope I'm not. I usually have a very scheduled life and everything fits into place the way I plan. Every now and then I do something stupid that throws my whole routine off, and I go into freak out mode. I hate when I do something really dumb, that I had planned out, but spaced off and didn't follow through, and now look like a blithering idiot.
Where I work, we get student interns that come learn the ropes and earn college credit. We had a new intern show up tonight. I was supposed to leave the house open for him, and the key on the table. I forgot to. So the poor kid gets locked out of his temporary housing, and I have to drive out at 8:30 p.m to unlock the door and let him in. And I'm supposed to be his boss, so I'm sure he's thinking "What an idiot. What have I got myself into with this hopeless basketcase?"
Now I'll stew about it for the rest of the night. I don't like making mistakes!
Where I work, we get student interns that come learn the ropes and earn college credit. We had a new intern show up tonight. I was supposed to leave the house open for him, and the key on the table. I forgot to. So the poor kid gets locked out of his temporary housing, and I have to drive out at 8:30 p.m to unlock the door and let him in. And I'm supposed to be his boss, so I'm sure he's thinking "What an idiot. What have I got myself into with this hopeless basketcase?"
Now I'll stew about it for the rest of the night. I don't like making mistakes!
Sunday, May 15, 2005
How to begin. Well, I have a 13 year old daughter, who looks 17 and has two distinct personalities. The first personality is my favorite. This one is when she laughs with me, wants to go catch nightcrawlers and garter snakes, and asks me questions like she believes I'm the foremost expert on anything worth knowing. The second personality is moody, capricious, likes to roll her eyes at me like I'm the dumbest human to inhabit the earth, messy, inconsiderate, and a pain in the ass. They are both my daughter. My only child, and the best thing that ever happened to me.
This week we had a first. The first time we shopped for a formal dress so she could go to the Mardi Gra Ball. I loved every minute of it. She must've tried on 20 dresses. One was this sexy black strappy number that made her look like Angelina Jolie. WAY too sexy. We nixed that one (though I tried it on later and I looked like Rodney Dangerfield in a dress, if Rodney Dangerfield were short with big boobs). She settled on a beautiful blue dress. So next we looked for shoes and a purse to match.
I hate shopping. Next to laundry, shopping is my least favorite chore. But we had a blast, and when she got ready for the ball, I felt like I was going to cry she was so pretty. God, just when you think you can't take one more day of being a mother, something happens that makes you burn inside with how much you love being a mother.
I've been listing in my head the things that matter the most to me, and deciding which ones really do matter, and which actually don't.
THOSE THINGS THAT REALLY DO MATTER
1. My daughter
2. My husband, though sometimes it is hard to put him on the "matter" list
3. My friends, without whom I would've gone bonkers long ago
4. Good books
5. Long hikes that make your bones ache for days after, but give you a sense of accomplishment
6. Chocolate
7. Taking time to dance, by yourself, crazily, usually with a pretend microphone in your hand
8. A good glass of wine with my friends, laughing and hanging out, playing silly games like karaoke revolution
THOSE THINGS I THOUGHT MATTERED BUT REALLY DON'T
1. Having a spotless house, which I have never really had, but always felt guilty about
2. Making everyone happy. This has bit me in the ass many times
3. Cooking dinner every night
4. When my husband throws something away I thought I wanted. Really it's just about junk anyway
5. Worrying about if I should go over to Becca's house and drink wine, or stay home and watch bullriding with my husband so he won't be angry with me. Let him be angry, damn it. I don't want to watch bullriding. I want to see Becca.
This week we had a first. The first time we shopped for a formal dress so she could go to the Mardi Gra Ball. I loved every minute of it. She must've tried on 20 dresses. One was this sexy black strappy number that made her look like Angelina Jolie. WAY too sexy. We nixed that one (though I tried it on later and I looked like Rodney Dangerfield in a dress, if Rodney Dangerfield were short with big boobs). She settled on a beautiful blue dress. So next we looked for shoes and a purse to match.
I hate shopping. Next to laundry, shopping is my least favorite chore. But we had a blast, and when she got ready for the ball, I felt like I was going to cry she was so pretty. God, just when you think you can't take one more day of being a mother, something happens that makes you burn inside with how much you love being a mother.
I've been listing in my head the things that matter the most to me, and deciding which ones really do matter, and which actually don't.
THOSE THINGS THAT REALLY DO MATTER
1. My daughter
2. My husband, though sometimes it is hard to put him on the "matter" list
3. My friends, without whom I would've gone bonkers long ago
4. Good books
5. Long hikes that make your bones ache for days after, but give you a sense of accomplishment
6. Chocolate
7. Taking time to dance, by yourself, crazily, usually with a pretend microphone in your hand
8. A good glass of wine with my friends, laughing and hanging out, playing silly games like karaoke revolution
THOSE THINGS I THOUGHT MATTERED BUT REALLY DON'T
1. Having a spotless house, which I have never really had, but always felt guilty about
2. Making everyone happy. This has bit me in the ass many times
3. Cooking dinner every night
4. When my husband throws something away I thought I wanted. Really it's just about junk anyway
5. Worrying about if I should go over to Becca's house and drink wine, or stay home and watch bullriding with my husband so he won't be angry with me. Let him be angry, damn it. I don't want to watch bullriding. I want to see Becca.
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