My daughter asked me the Big Question. It wasn't the one you're probably thinking of, we had the "sex talk" a long time ago. The physics and anatomy of sex are not a mystery to Kiri anymore. Besides, I just signed a waiver for her Health class to teach about Sexually transmitted diseases. So, she's pretty savvy on the idea of it all.
No, the big question was "Who did you have sex with the first time mom, and how old were you?" I've always been very straight forward and honest with Kiri about sex since she started being curious enough about it to ask me questions. We've discussed many things, including periods, erections, date rape, and the physical pain of losing your virginity. But, it was very hard to be honest about this question. Do I tell her I was 19 and was a guy I had just met? Or do I lie and tell her I lost my virginity to her real father? God, it was so hard to talk about. It was weird, cuz we've always been comfortable talking about lots of things most mothers would shy away from. I told her the truth, but also said I hoped she made better decisions in her life than I had. I got married then pregnant with her shortly after. I never once regretted having her. In many ways I feel like she saved my life. If I hadn't gotten pregnant with her, I would not have had the courage to leave my first husband and go back to college. I would've stayed with the lying bastard for who knows how long and suffered the emotional trauma day after day, year after year. My life is so much better because I had her.
But if she is asking me this, does it mean she's thinking about having sex? Did I subtly encourage her to have sex? I hope our honesty and open conversations will discourage her from sex for a long time.
I will post pictures of Kiri in her formal dress soon. I only have a point and shoot, so I need to scan and download. I want to buy a digital camera right now! In fact, I think I will.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I don't think you're subtly encouraging her to have sex, and I think the degree of honesty you have with her is inspiring.
Exactly. I learned about sex from romance novels, teenagers, and the 5th grade maturation program. You can imagine my surprise and dissapointment with my first experience with the real thing.
The bottom line is you don't need to encourage her to have sex. She's going to. Hopefully not for several years, yes, but wouldn't it be nice for her to decide on her own, having been well informed, and make a good choice?
I don't think our daughters, as a whole, learn enough about sex from their mothers. I know I didn't. Kiri is a lucky girl.
she certainly is lucky! what a great mom. I read what the "big question" was and actually let out a laugh, because I could NEVER have asked my mom that question. never in a million thousand billion hundred years. so you get points right there.
you're doing the right thing by telling it like it is. how I wished I had someone to tell me about that when I was her age. I was 14 when I was, let's say, "encouraged" (to the extreme extreme extreme) by my manipulative, insulting boyfriend, who temporarily forgot what no meant, to have sex with him. I really wish I could have talked to my mom about that and realized that just because my virginity was gone, it didn't mean I had to continue to have sex. painful, painful memories.
anyway, I wish I had had a mom like you, and I hope that gives you some measure of comfort.
Post a Comment