There is absolutely nothing going on in my life at the moment. So, as I was reading my diary from when I was 14 (Kiri's present age), I thought I'd transcribe a few entries to show you what a shallow, self-absorbed girl I actually was. I, of course, thought of myself as all-knowing and incredibly sincere at the time. But I wasn't. Here goes.
July 12, 1985
I just got back from Lake Powell. It was a blast! We were at Rainbow Bridge (church group) and there was this really cute guy there. I said Hi to him and he said hi. When I went to the house boat he told me "to have a good time". I smiled and said "you too". Then I was up on the deck of the boat when he drove by, he slowed down and said "would you like to come along with us?" I laughed and said "no thanks". He left and I felt so good.
Feb 14 1987
I just got back from dancing at the game and I'm crying (note to readers, I was a memeber of the school drill team at the time). It's really been a crappy night. The game ended earlier than I thought, so I go to the Seven 11 to call for a ride. I find out Shane has already left to get me, so I go to mainstreet to wave him down. He finally finds me after a lot of running around and we drive home. I walk in and my dad starts saying stuff like "I hate it when you do this" I say "well, I'm sorry. I didn't want to stay out in the cold and wait a half an hour for someone to come get me. It was early, so I went to the sev. to call" He says" we set plans so that you don't have to walk around late at night". I say " I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong". He says" How do you think it makes me feel when you do this? You knew someone was coming when you did it". I said "I can't believe you actually believe I did it on purpose" Him, "That's not the point. You broke plans that you set". Me, "It ended early and I didn't want to get locked out in the cold." Him, " I don't want this to happen again and if it does you can bet there won't be a next time".
I didn't want to cry anymore so I just said "fine" and went to my room. I know he was right about somethings and I worried him, but I honestly didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I can see his point of view but he doesn't understand me, doesn't try to. I even hinted to him about coming and watching me dance. I said "I have to be there at six. It's our last performance of the season." He said "okay" then turns to my mom and says "Well, what should we do tonight then? Go to a movie?"
It hurt me bit I didn't say anything cause I didn't think they'd want to come. My mother has never come to see me dance. I wonder if they care.
As you can see by the two entries, I was a typical self-absorbed child. It was weird to read about my father getting angry over me walking around at dark. I would have totally been pissed at Kiri if she did that. But then again, I would have gone to see her dance.
Stupid post, but it gives me some reminders of how hard it is to be a teen.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
$4,000 smile
Kiri got her braces off yesterday. She looks wonderful! I did tell her that I paid $4,000 for her teeth, and that I now own her smile. If she doesn't take care of her teeth, I shall take them back. She didn't really think that was so funny.
Last night, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to get drunk. Raspberry rum and sprite is quite tasty, and I over-imbibed. I don't get drunk very often, but when I do I get this crazy urge to call up everyone I know and chat. I tried to call Jennifer, and my brother, but no one answered. I was all kinda upset, when I looked at the clock and it was almost 11:00 p.m. Luckily, my friends and family love me, and no one called me back to berate me for the drunken late calls. Sorry Shane. Sorry Jenn. I love you guys.
My husband and I got a little frisky last night (he loves when I get drunk because he KNOWS he'll get some), and then after the passion I promptly barfed in the toilet. That has to be the biggest turn on ever, when you make sweet love to your wife and then she runs to the bathroom to vomit. Sorry Ken, I love you babe.
I then went to work today with only a slight headache. I think it was a good thing I threw up or I would be hating life right now. I'm so stupid. Sorry body, I'll try to take better care of you.
I'm off to take Kiri to the dentist once again today. Maybe I'll get out of there without loosing everything I own. Wish me luck.
Last night, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to get drunk. Raspberry rum and sprite is quite tasty, and I over-imbibed. I don't get drunk very often, but when I do I get this crazy urge to call up everyone I know and chat. I tried to call Jennifer, and my brother, but no one answered. I was all kinda upset, when I looked at the clock and it was almost 11:00 p.m. Luckily, my friends and family love me, and no one called me back to berate me for the drunken late calls. Sorry Shane. Sorry Jenn. I love you guys.
My husband and I got a little frisky last night (he loves when I get drunk because he KNOWS he'll get some), and then after the passion I promptly barfed in the toilet. That has to be the biggest turn on ever, when you make sweet love to your wife and then she runs to the bathroom to vomit. Sorry Ken, I love you babe.
I then went to work today with only a slight headache. I think it was a good thing I threw up or I would be hating life right now. I'm so stupid. Sorry body, I'll try to take better care of you.
I'm off to take Kiri to the dentist once again today. Maybe I'll get out of there without loosing everything I own. Wish me luck.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Na na nana na nana, You Say It's Your Birthday!
On this day, 14 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born. Inspite of all the hardships, pain, aggravation, and tears, I regret not a whit, regret not a second of being her mother. The laughter, joy, and sweet comfort of my only child outweighs everything else. Kiri, you are my soul. You color my life a happy pink, splashed with lots of reds, yellows, and fierce orange. Ultimately, when I am asked to describe myself, my proudest answer is that I am your mother.
In celebration of your 14th birthday, I will share some stories of Kiri. Some are funny, some stories are sad, but I am honored to have shared in it all.
I had a C-section with Kiri, and as I was in the middle of a divorce, my mother was in the surgery room with me. My mother is an intelligent and curious woman, and she kept a running commentary for me as Kir was being forcibly removed from my womb. "Oh!" my mother said, "they are making the first incision now". Good thing I'm not squeamish, though the anesthesia made my body feel very unreal and disconnected from my mind. "Wow!" mother exclaimed, "I can see your uterus." Super, mom, thanks.
I felt a terrible pressure on my stomach and mom yells "Oh my God, the baby is half way out!" Then she begins to laugh, because apparently Kiri was hella pissed and had grabbed onto the nurse's scrub shirt and wouldn't let go. They had to pry Kiri's tiny fingers off the shirt before they could deliver her the rest of the way. 7 lbs 7 1/2 oz, and 23 inches long. She was all arms and legs and huge eyes. Gorgeous.
Once when Kiri was around 3 years old, I picked her up from daycare, and one little girl asked Kiri "Why doesn't your daddy ever pick you up?". Kiri turned, her face beet red, and replied "I don't have a daddy, I HAVE A GRANDPAAAAAA!"
At 4 years old, Kiri loved all the creatures on the Earth, especially bugs. Once while she was playing in the backyard, I sat nearby reading a book. Her favorite game was to walk around lifting all the rocks and looking for bugs underneath. I picked her up and we went to a doctor's appointment. While in the waiting room, Kiri sat at a kiddie table playing. I wasn't really paying attention, but then I noticed something strange. The table seemed to be very dirty. I walked over to Kiri, and she was busy pulling potato bugs out of her coat pocket and putting them on the table. She had filled every pocket with bugs, because in her mind what better use could a pocket serve than to transport bugs around. There must've been at least a hundred bugs crawling on the table and Kiri. The receptionist didn't find it as funny as I did.
A little while later, I was picking Kiri up from daycare, and as usual asked her how her day had gone. She replied "Oh, it was okay. But Victoria was being naughty" I asked what Victoria had done. Kiri says "She was screaming and throwing tampons." Stunned, I asked how in the world Victoria had gotten a hold of tampons. Kiri looks very confused and says, "No, mom, she was throwing tampons." I tell her I don't understand. And very patiently, like she is talking to the biggest idiot ever, Kiri says "You know, she was kicking and rolling on the ground throwing a tampon." I almost wrecked the car, laughing my ass off as I realized she meant a tantrum.
As a single mother with one child, the only person Kiri could fight with was me. And boy, have we got into some helacious fights. When she was little, she would often tell me in a rage that she hated me. This would cut me to the quick. Once I told her "Fine. If you hate me so much, then lets find you a new mother." I then picked up the phone and pretended to call an orphanage. I told the non-existent person to come over right away and get my child because she hates me and wants a new mother. That was the cruelest thing I have ever done in my life. I watched my daughter cry silent tears, thinking I was abandoning her. I told her the truth at that point, and told her how much I loved her. I am not proud of that moment.
Now Kiri is almost an adult. I have cherished all 14 years, and am excited for her future. Kiri, baby, I think you are the brightest, loveliest, sweetest young woman in the world. I see a greatness in you, an intelligence tempered with compassion that makes me think I didn't screw up your whole life. I love you. I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday.
In celebration of your 14th birthday, I will share some stories of Kiri. Some are funny, some stories are sad, but I am honored to have shared in it all.
I had a C-section with Kiri, and as I was in the middle of a divorce, my mother was in the surgery room with me. My mother is an intelligent and curious woman, and she kept a running commentary for me as Kir was being forcibly removed from my womb. "Oh!" my mother said, "they are making the first incision now". Good thing I'm not squeamish, though the anesthesia made my body feel very unreal and disconnected from my mind. "Wow!" mother exclaimed, "I can see your uterus." Super, mom, thanks.
I felt a terrible pressure on my stomach and mom yells "Oh my God, the baby is half way out!" Then she begins to laugh, because apparently Kiri was hella pissed and had grabbed onto the nurse's scrub shirt and wouldn't let go. They had to pry Kiri's tiny fingers off the shirt before they could deliver her the rest of the way. 7 lbs 7 1/2 oz, and 23 inches long. She was all arms and legs and huge eyes. Gorgeous.
Once when Kiri was around 3 years old, I picked her up from daycare, and one little girl asked Kiri "Why doesn't your daddy ever pick you up?". Kiri turned, her face beet red, and replied "I don't have a daddy, I HAVE A GRANDPAAAAAA!"
At 4 years old, Kiri loved all the creatures on the Earth, especially bugs. Once while she was playing in the backyard, I sat nearby reading a book. Her favorite game was to walk around lifting all the rocks and looking for bugs underneath. I picked her up and we went to a doctor's appointment. While in the waiting room, Kiri sat at a kiddie table playing. I wasn't really paying attention, but then I noticed something strange. The table seemed to be very dirty. I walked over to Kiri, and she was busy pulling potato bugs out of her coat pocket and putting them on the table. She had filled every pocket with bugs, because in her mind what better use could a pocket serve than to transport bugs around. There must've been at least a hundred bugs crawling on the table and Kiri. The receptionist didn't find it as funny as I did.
A little while later, I was picking Kiri up from daycare, and as usual asked her how her day had gone. She replied "Oh, it was okay. But Victoria was being naughty" I asked what Victoria had done. Kiri says "She was screaming and throwing tampons." Stunned, I asked how in the world Victoria had gotten a hold of tampons. Kiri looks very confused and says, "No, mom, she was throwing tampons." I tell her I don't understand. And very patiently, like she is talking to the biggest idiot ever, Kiri says "You know, she was kicking and rolling on the ground throwing a tampon." I almost wrecked the car, laughing my ass off as I realized she meant a tantrum.
As a single mother with one child, the only person Kiri could fight with was me. And boy, have we got into some helacious fights. When she was little, she would often tell me in a rage that she hated me. This would cut me to the quick. Once I told her "Fine. If you hate me so much, then lets find you a new mother." I then picked up the phone and pretended to call an orphanage. I told the non-existent person to come over right away and get my child because she hates me and wants a new mother. That was the cruelest thing I have ever done in my life. I watched my daughter cry silent tears, thinking I was abandoning her. I told her the truth at that point, and told her how much I loved her. I am not proud of that moment.
Now Kiri is almost an adult. I have cherished all 14 years, and am excited for her future. Kiri, baby, I think you are the brightest, loveliest, sweetest young woman in the world. I see a greatness in you, an intelligence tempered with compassion that makes me think I didn't screw up your whole life. I love you. I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday.
Monday, January 09, 2006
People from Pennsylvania ROCK!
Yesterday, Becca, Katy, Kiri and I all went down to Las Vegas to hang with Patrice and family. We had lunch at a great BBQ place then wandered around the Paris hotel for a bit. Becca, Patrice and I gambled for a bit, and then, unfortunately, the day was over and we had to head back home.
I was a bit nervous to meet Patrice. I wanted to make a good impression, but didn't want to look like I was trying to make a good impression or seem fake in anyway. I couldn't have been more comfortable with Patrice, Sean, Trent, and Bella. They were so nice, and funny, and...Well...cool.
So, here is my list of things I love about Patrice.
1. I love that Patrice looks you in the eye when you are speaking to her
2. I totally dig Patrice's sense of humor.
3. I love that when I burped multiple times, Patrice just laughed. I had some weird stomach issues that day, and was burping up a storm. I have always been rather free with my burps, though I do excuse myself afterwards. Some people are offended by my burpage, but Patrice was not, thank God.
4. It was nice of Patrice not to be angry with me when she lost $10 on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine that I recommended. Sorry Patrice.
5. Patrice has to be one of the easiest people in the world to talk to, and if I lived back East, I could totally see us hanging out on a regular basis.
6. And, wow, she is really pretty too, and looked smokin hot in that black lacy shirt she wore to lunch.
Baby Bella was adorable, and very well behaved. Katy immediately took her under her care, and the little tyke loved her. When Kiri was that age, she would've been screaming and kicking within minutes of arriving at the restaurant. What a sweet little girl Bella is.
Sean was, well, the only word I can think of to describe him is COOL. He seemed right at home amongst the girls, joking and laughing and sharing in the conversation. I was filled with delight when he grinned and gave us all a thumbs up sign, which happens to be my favorite hand signal and I use it quite often. The dude was just too cool. Kiri, Trent, Bella, Sean, and Katy all toured the hotel while the rest of us gambled, and Kiri thought Sean was way cool too. She thought it was neat that he was upset when the staff wouldn't let them on some part of the tower or something because he was accompanied by children. Kiri said he wasn't upset for himself being denied, but that the kids were denied. I think Kiri took to Sean right away.
Trent was surprising on many levels. He was patient (which hello Kiri, take some pointers babe) and never complained when the adults talked forever in the restaurant. He obviously enjoyed his huge plate of BBQ chicken. He was attentive to his little sister, keeping her from toppling off the steps, and he has the most amazing deep beautiful voice.
I was disappointed that we couldn't stay longer. Patrice said they will probably be back next year, so I suggested we make it a tradition, and next time we'll come down on Saturday and spend the night. Hopefully someday we can all travel over to Pennsylvania and meet Nicole as well.
OH! And I forgot to tell everyone what Kiri gave me for Christmas. I am such a dolt. The gift Kiri gave me was a beautiful quilt that she made herself. I seriously got tears in my eyes when I opened it up. I love it! It was the greatest gift I have ever received, and I snuggle up on the couch with it every night.
Note to self: take picture of said quilt and post on blog.
Love to you all.
I was a bit nervous to meet Patrice. I wanted to make a good impression, but didn't want to look like I was trying to make a good impression or seem fake in anyway. I couldn't have been more comfortable with Patrice, Sean, Trent, and Bella. They were so nice, and funny, and...Well...cool.
So, here is my list of things I love about Patrice.
1. I love that Patrice looks you in the eye when you are speaking to her
2. I totally dig Patrice's sense of humor.
3. I love that when I burped multiple times, Patrice just laughed. I had some weird stomach issues that day, and was burping up a storm. I have always been rather free with my burps, though I do excuse myself afterwards. Some people are offended by my burpage, but Patrice was not, thank God.
4. It was nice of Patrice not to be angry with me when she lost $10 on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine that I recommended. Sorry Patrice.
5. Patrice has to be one of the easiest people in the world to talk to, and if I lived back East, I could totally see us hanging out on a regular basis.
6. And, wow, she is really pretty too, and looked smokin hot in that black lacy shirt she wore to lunch.
Baby Bella was adorable, and very well behaved. Katy immediately took her under her care, and the little tyke loved her. When Kiri was that age, she would've been screaming and kicking within minutes of arriving at the restaurant. What a sweet little girl Bella is.
Sean was, well, the only word I can think of to describe him is COOL. He seemed right at home amongst the girls, joking and laughing and sharing in the conversation. I was filled with delight when he grinned and gave us all a thumbs up sign, which happens to be my favorite hand signal and I use it quite often. The dude was just too cool. Kiri, Trent, Bella, Sean, and Katy all toured the hotel while the rest of us gambled, and Kiri thought Sean was way cool too. She thought it was neat that he was upset when the staff wouldn't let them on some part of the tower or something because he was accompanied by children. Kiri said he wasn't upset for himself being denied, but that the kids were denied. I think Kiri took to Sean right away.
Trent was surprising on many levels. He was patient (which hello Kiri, take some pointers babe) and never complained when the adults talked forever in the restaurant. He obviously enjoyed his huge plate of BBQ chicken. He was attentive to his little sister, keeping her from toppling off the steps, and he has the most amazing deep beautiful voice.
I was disappointed that we couldn't stay longer. Patrice said they will probably be back next year, so I suggested we make it a tradition, and next time we'll come down on Saturday and spend the night. Hopefully someday we can all travel over to Pennsylvania and meet Nicole as well.
OH! And I forgot to tell everyone what Kiri gave me for Christmas. I am such a dolt. The gift Kiri gave me was a beautiful quilt that she made herself. I seriously got tears in my eyes when I opened it up. I love it! It was the greatest gift I have ever received, and I snuggle up on the couch with it every night.
Note to self: take picture of said quilt and post on blog.
Love to you all.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Time to take down the tinsel, the season tis over
My parents, Reed and Ellen are to the left. Me in my new hat on the right.
Kiri giving you all a big Christmas kiss. And Kiri in her hat and opening presents.Sorry I have not posted in a while. I have been busier than hell, and also dealing with a little post-holiday blues. Thank God for my friends, that they force me out of my house and lift my mood considerably.
Christmas was smashing! Kiri seemed very happy about the gifts she received. She got some very nice clothes from my parents, as well as a kick ass cowboy hat. Mom and Dad also gave me a cowboy hat, and my mother and father-in-law gave me some spurs. Whooo hoooo, it's time to ride baby!
New Years was fabulous. I had a wonderful time. I sang some karaoke, some good, some bad. I think my rendition of Twisted Sister "We're not gonna take it" was smokin. But, alas, the song from the musical Annie "Tomorrow" was not so great. Becca and I sang some "Dust in the Wind" with B on harmony, and I think we could take that song on the road, it was so fabulous.
Here are some Christmas pics. I, being a complete and total moron, forgot my camera for the New Year's party. Oh, well.
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